Love isn’t an equation, so what’s the problem?

∞ Love ∞

I wish to love and not hold back. Love from the minute eyes interlock. Love enough to last many life times. And trust. Trust feelings are mutual…*Well, at least until I get bored.

This is my starting hypothesis.

< or > ?

In pretty much all my previous relationships, there’s been an unbalance in the amount of love exchanged. In my teens, I was the one who was the most attached. Originally it felt fine but complexity rose when I experienced my 1st one-sided break-up.

In between ()

To solve it, I spent a decade drifting away from my origin, dating guys who cared more. I put my heart in a safe and became an atheist. Not sure they related but maybe one translated into the other.

Then something ≠ happened

I met a boy quite unique. Maybe it was an optical illusion but the affection we had for each other seemed of the same force. For half a year, our love kept growing exponentially.

Until one day, limx→a

I left the country for a function and after a gradient of tears, somehow we didn’t belong to each other anymore. 𝝅-ty. Nonetheless, the power of our connection had opened up my heart again.

Since, single me tried to find the right combination, but only experienced permutations of the same variable. Emotionally distant men mat(c)hing up with clingy me. So derivative.

1+1+1+1 =

I know, ‘When it comes to love, you don’t count’… But 4 times getting dumped in a row are far more times ××× than I consented to being hurt.

∉ Dating no more

Subsequently, I gave myself a break from dating. Or so I lied — to others and myself — & just kept hooking up with the last guy [whenever he had time for me]… Until he went radical and stopped our encounters ∄∄∄.

√shelter please

Tired of suffering, I picked Somεonε εlse. Somεonε too much o∭… and not enough o∭... Somεonε I had limitεd intεrεst in. But, Somεonε into me.

And now: Ω

When feeling lonely/scared/hurt (select the appropriate statement), I call him. Yet, the minute I’m with him, I wonder why I can’t be with someone better.

What’s wrong with me? Did I make a mistake in my early reasoning? Is this just another lesson I must learn? If so, what should I do…

X = Solution?

  1. Accept his love fully to vibrate at this frequency. Feel the warmth in my heart. Use it to heal and repair the concavities left by past experiences.
  2. Brainwash myself to see his most beautiful qualities and fall in love with him.
  3. Consider the lack of reciprocity a non-issue. Enjoy the company for now.
  4. Drop him dead. Wishing him the best of luck and moving on at the speed of light.

Zzz*

If only I had a book with all the right answers. Too bad I don’t. Maybe I should just copy you? Would you share your cheat sheets as comments?

⇒ I need tutoring. I don’t wanna fail this year again. HELP!

Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Aurelie B.

Aurelie B.

Me? Positive, witty and a dash sarcastic. You? Like-minded reader, ready to follow me on my adventures through Medium.