+ 7 ways to heal you…if you wish!
“Fickle Heart” (expression) /ˈfik(ə)l härt/
Someone who falls in love quickly and frequently.
Expression most often attributed to us ladies since ‘women never know what they want’. On the other hand, men with similar characteristics are praised for their Latin vibes and nicknamed Casanovas, rather than being called fickle. (And supposedly, ‘all is fair in love’... But, nevermind, let’s not turn this article into a gender ‘war’!)
How to know if YOU are a fickle heart?
1. You’re always smitten…but never the same person!
Someone smiling or holding the door open makes you shiver; keeping your gaze to the ground is the only way to avoid planning for yet another imaginary wedding.
2. You don’t have a “type”.
The list of your exes looks like a Benetton commercial; Basically, anyone breathing’s a catch!
3. You ℛomAnticiZe everything about the other ♥person.♥
If your date tells you that he occasionally jogs you straight away picture yourself cheering him on at the New-York Marathon’s finish line.
4. You get obsessed with your current temp ‘match-made-in-heaven’.
Your agenda quickly fills up with ‘lunch date with M’, ‘prepare breakfast in bed for M’, ‘movie night with M’, and ‘photoshoot with M at the beach’ (memo: photoshop M into pics if he doesn’t agree to it).
5. You rush through all the steps of a relationship.
By the middle of Day 2, you’re calling your ‘in-laws’ ‘mum-a-boo’ and ‘dad-a-boo’, and you’re battling with your cousin Wendy to have him as best man at their wedding the upcoming weekend.
6. One day you simply aren’t into him anymore.
You move on as if your ‘significant half’ of 6 weeks had been nothing else than a temporary roommate who filled up the void spaces in your apartment — and, if you’re lucky, helped you with the rent or food.
7. You trim down goodbyes and abort breakups.
Your classic move is to flake away. You’d rather relocate to a new city (or even country!) than face the emotional consequences of your flickering. Dashing out to catch a plane saves you from the teary adios.
Did some of these seven points feel oddly familiar?
Well, sorry to tell you this my friend but, you — just like me — are suffering from this recurring condition,
“you are a Fickle Heart!”
Okay, I bet you knew that. What you really want to know is:
How can I get rid of this love affliction so I can finally enter into a meaningful relationship?!
First, understand one thing, you don’t truly love the person(s) you’re falling for! You just hold them as your object of unconditional affection when in reality you have no idea who they are. You don’t care whether they’re a cat or snake type of person or the amount of money they’d turn-in their best friend for. You simply love the feeling of being in love and thus use anyone to play the obedient receiver…
…Until the hormones highjacking your brain (dopamine, endorphin, & co. — the ones released at the beginning of a new relationship) fade away.
Then you start seeing the other person with far more objectivity and way less appeal, leading you to find any excuse to kick your temp match out of your life — and possibly apartment. Be it something outrageous like peeing in the shower or folding paper napkins in round shapes, you get to pick!
So, how to get steady with someone who truly suits you?
=> Easy: Take the other person out of the equation!
Here are few tips to stop acting like a weathervane, and tone down the inconsistency of your heart:
A. Fall in love with friends, places, things,… instead of sexual partners.
Forget the romance for a while and cultivate bromances/womances, geomances, or itemances, instead. Find platonic — yet compelling — alternatives to avoid suffering from the hormonal withdrawal.
B. Explore other avenues to fill your diversity craving.
Sleep in unusual places (either cute Airbnbs or your aunt’s couch if you’re short of cash), order from restaurants where you can’t even understand the menu, or try wild activities you never dared before (like accompanying your mother to one of her Rami’s nights).
C. Listen! & Reformulate.
Misinterpreting words is common, especially when they are voiced out by someone you fancy; “was nice chatting with you” isn’t the same as “I’m into you too”. Trust me, it’s worth clarifying if you want to avoid ending up on an awkward 50 miles cycling trip with your crush… and his long time girlfriend.
D. Focus on YOU.
Figure out what you want to do and fill up your time with it. Don’t judge yourself, even if your new hobby is to recreate a life-size dollhouse out of match-sticks and hairballs. Keep yourself busy so that you won’t be longing for someone’s message.
E. T.a.k.e — t.h.i.n.g.s — s.l.o.o.o.o.o.o.w.
Eat soup with a coffee spoon (resist slurping), stop at the orange traffic light, nap (what others may call ‘meditation’), write texts without abbreviations (and don’t cheat using the audio recording button), check out Medium articles of over ten minutes’ reading time (not merely skim through them),…
Implement some activities to be done daily for at least a month. Be loyal to these even once the novelty effect wears off and you discover that Tai Chi is indeed as boring as it looks.
G. Let the other one know why you are through.
Admittedly, it’s something I suck at, but thanks to @Vanessa Torre and her article “Simple Things To Text Instead of Ghosting Someone” I can now come up with a better answer than “sorry dude, I’m off, my Visa for far-far-away-land just got granted”.
These tips won’t guarantee you to find your soulmate. Yet, implementing them may help in turning your fickle heart into a sincere reservoir for romantic feelings.
And lastly, please, don’t be like me…
Take the proper time to heal!
Even if that means crying today over your first love who deceived you in kindergarten.
Many thanks to the Annette Street Writer’s Group